dear friends

This past week, I have been feeling a bit confused again..a new romance is ready to bloom in my life however, it appears that it is not that easy as it seems..

Mine is not a case of unreciprocated love or anything that concerns about the feelings I have for my guy..it is about the support I’m expecting from my two closest friends..Mackie and Jobert..

It’s been quite a while I haven’t had a boyfriend (four years to be exact) and my friends Mackie and Jobert were always there to help me move on..what’s ironic is that now that I seem to have found someone, they’re hesitant about accepting the fact that I’m going to have a boyfriend sooner than they think..like a father unwilling to give away his daughter on her wedding day..that’s exactly what they’re showing lately..

I still can’t seem to understand why they’re acting that way..Terrenz is one of our mountaineering buddies (Mackie, Jobert and myself are members of the same mountaineering club) and has been a good friend since college days..they’re actually "tropa" and they know him well..i know him well too..

When they found out that Terrenz is courting me, they started to be a bit negative about him..telling me stories about his bad side..there’s nothing wrong with that..i actually find it helpful because I could get to know more about him..but then, it’s beginning to appear like they’re telling only bad things about him..and I think it’s really unfair..

I value my friends a lot..especially those I have an extraordinary friendship with..I know that I shouldn’t always be dependent on them when making decisions but as much as possible I want them to be part of the new happiness I found..I just want the blessing of my very good friends..

*sigh*…I think I need my iced chocolate drink now..I pray that this won’t come to the point where I have to choose my friends over my love life..or vice versa..

what hurts

i sent out a survey to my team mates which includes top five hurtful lines said to you..i was already done with the first three and as i was thinking about the last two, something just crossed my mind..

time space warp to April 14, 2007, Shangrila Plaza, Mandaluyong..

i'm meeting with lloyd to get the cd for the pictures i had when i went to baguio (ok, more specifically when he asked me to visit him at PMA)..he promised he'd send it to me but he wasn't able to so he arranged for a meeting so that he could give it to me personally..

when we met, the first thing he said was: "ba't ba nakasimangot ka na naman? sa tuwing magkikita na lang ba tayo eh nakasimangot ka?"

i was speechless.. i didn't know how to react because i also realized that i was indeed scowling, frowning (anything that's opposite a happy face)..and then i recalled all those times we met post-relationship and i'll say it again, i was indeed not projecting a pleasant face during those times..

i tried to remember why..it wasn't because he was late, or he's wearing something not pleasing to the eyes, or he changed the venue..i think it was because of the hopelessness i felt about our situation..it was like i'm hanging in a moment not defined by time..it was like everytime we see each other, im going to a place full of frustrations..

it's what i always felt..

because i'm hurt..

now, i think i really can't fill up the last two lines for the survey since i realized that i wasn't really hurt by any lines said..it was him..and the situation that made me feel hurt..

it's over now and i've moved on..i know i shouldn't think much about the past but it's not bad that i sometimes remember those things..

*for storyline, check here.

shine the light

there's a cloud hovering over my teammates lately..something not nice..well, i guess there really will be times when life hits on all lows..

our team has always been cheerful since day one..we may get sidetracked sometimes but we get back on the main road very easily..one reason why i love staying with my team is that we're always positive on a lot things..we help each other out and everything will be fine..understanding is not hard to find...and give..a lot of opportunities have knocked upon our doors, but when it meant leaving the team, we hesitate..talk about close family ties..

back to what i was saying earlier, things are a bit "cloudy, gloomy" lately..problems here and there..it's not that it's bad..it just makes me feel sad..for one thing, it's because i can't seem to do anything to cheer them up..sometimes, it feels like i can't seem to say anything good or sweet enough to make them smile..=(

i remember what my mom told me when i was still a little girl: "when you have a friend who's sad, you don't always have to do something to make them forget their worries or problems..sometimes, just being there for them and listening to them is a great help already.."

i think so too..

and i'm always willing to listen..

to my teammates who are on a rough road right now, you'll get through..i may not know the right words (or how to say the right words) to make you feel alright but i'm always praying for you..talk to Him to..He's still the best friend we can turn to..


love yah!