one of the few songs that really makes my day..it reminds me of those weekend afternoons during my college days when my girlfriends and i would gather at the balcony of our apartment..
memories of our favorite music, girltalks, paintings, love stories, iced tea, cookies, laughters, nail polish, broken hearts, novels, artworks, and cameras..we love bands and dancing, but we're not much into bar hopping..we have a very simple idea of fun..that is strengthening the friendship bond by spending quality time with each other..
i really miss those times..because way back then, they always made me feel secured..those bonding sessions gave us an optimistic vibe..that college days won't seem that tough because we'll always have each other no matter what..
this song also reminds me of being carefree girl..loving the wind and smiling from the heart..
check it out, you might like it too.. =)
Put Your Records On (Corinne Bailey Rae)
Three little birds, sat on my window.
And they told me I don't need to worry.
Summer came like cinnamon
So sweet,
Little girls double-dutch on the concrete.
Maybe sometimes, we've got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seem to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
Blue as the sky, sunburnt and lonely,
Sipping tea in the bar by the roadside,
(just relax, just relax)
Don't you let those other boys fool you,
Got to love that afro hair do.
Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change.
Don't you think it's strange?
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
You're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow.
'Twas more than I could take, pity for pity's sake
Some nights kept me awake, I thought that I was stronger
When you gonna realise, that you don't even have to try any longer?
Do what you want to.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Girl, put your records on, tell me your favourite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Sapphire and faded jeans, I hope you get your dreams,
Just go ahead, let your hair down.
Oh, you're gonna find yourself somewhere, somehow
Friday, June 22, 2007
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
it's a cloudy day
ive always been fascinated with how horoscopes can match one's situation. i grew up believing that those things were just fabricated so as to have a diversion from the daily news.
i stopped buying newsapers a year ago and only watch the news when i have spare time. i get my doze of the daily news from the internet. it's not because i really want to check the news (i confess, current affairs is not my forte). it has just become a routine that after i check my email inbox, i go to the newsbox..
what's funny though is that the website might have had a little glitch in their homepage. or maybe it is really how they do it (it's new that i forgot to get the link). maybe it has become normal that where there is news, there is horoscope. anyway, they have this "featured horoscope for the week"..and it's my sign: aries. it read:
"Are you truly into that person, or is it just your competitive streak that's motivating you? Wanting something just because someone else does (or because someone else has it!) isn't being true to your heart. "
whoa!
where did that come from? i may not want to admit it but this one really hit me between my eyes..
there's this guy introduced by a good friend (i still remember he said that this might help). okay, we see each other, exchange SMS, call, go out..things new friends do to get to know each other.
i had him introduced to some of my friends and well, they say he's just fine. he's very polite and all that..yeah, he's fine. but i don't know why i stil don't want considering we're dating (as what my teammates insist). the sparks just doesn't fly, i guess. but as another friend advised, don't drop it just too soon. fine. give it more time, cai. you haven't been in the field for quite some time so don't let a few -not-so-impressive -throws discourage you.
oh well. as i said, fine.
just last saturday we went out again with my gay friend, archie. and just like what my other friends had said, he commented that he's fine.
fine.
but archie's complete statement was "he's fine. it's just that you're not really focused about having a boyfriend just yet."
whoa! again..
the way he said that, it was as if my thoughts were written on my forehead that he easily read.
the question on the horoscope.
i aked my myself, "why am i doing this?"
answering myself, "it's because that's what some of your friends thought would be good for you..and to keep you away from dwelling into your past relationship to much..they're helping you to move on. you don't want them to worry about you too much."
only, i am now the one worrying about a lot of things.
i'm worried about disappointing my friends. especially those who knew what i've been through. i'm worried about what they'd say, like, "from this to that?" "what happened?" etc. etc.
it's not that i'm depending on my friends, letting them rule out my lovelife. no it's not. it's just that i value my friends too much. i give considerations to their opinions because somehow, they know what makes me happy. sometimes, they have a way of seeing things i can't. impartial judgement, something like that.
archie told me "your friends would understand. we will understand. why before, did you say anything about them having their boyfriends? do you give out unsolicited advices when they were the ones dating? no. but you were supportive. you considered what makes them happy. and now, i think if they're really you're friends, they'll stop and think, 'hey, it's cai's turn, she needs our support.'
yeah, support. no pressures.
the horoscope.
am i doing this just because evreyone else is attached so i also have to be with someone?
i really don't need one right now. i'm fine. really.
if i'm dating someone, i don't think it's an assurance that i'll be having a boyfriend right after.
yeah, i may have those times when i think about the past too much, but i get over it after a day. it comes and goes. no big deal.
the horoscope.
i'm not being true to myself? i go out with him because i just want to know him better and maybe find out something might work out for both of us, who knows? you can't know a person overnight so i guess that's just what i'm doing..if there's nothing, then, we're friends. after all, i didn't assure him anything.
having a boyfriend is really not my top priority right now.
that's for sure.
i stopped buying newsapers a year ago and only watch the news when i have spare time. i get my doze of the daily news from the internet. it's not because i really want to check the news (i confess, current affairs is not my forte). it has just become a routine that after i check my email inbox, i go to the newsbox..
what's funny though is that the website might have had a little glitch in their homepage. or maybe it is really how they do it (it's new that i forgot to get the link). maybe it has become normal that where there is news, there is horoscope. anyway, they have this "featured horoscope for the week"..and it's my sign: aries. it read:
"Are you truly into that person, or is it just your competitive streak that's motivating you? Wanting something just because someone else does (or because someone else has it!) isn't being true to your heart. "
whoa!
where did that come from? i may not want to admit it but this one really hit me between my eyes..
there's this guy introduced by a good friend (i still remember he said that this might help). okay, we see each other, exchange SMS, call, go out..things new friends do to get to know each other.
i had him introduced to some of my friends and well, they say he's just fine. he's very polite and all that..yeah, he's fine. but i don't know why i stil don't want considering we're dating (as what my teammates insist). the sparks just doesn't fly, i guess. but as another friend advised, don't drop it just too soon. fine. give it more time, cai. you haven't been in the field for quite some time so don't let a few -not-so-impressive -throws discourage you.
oh well. as i said, fine.
just last saturday we went out again with my gay friend, archie. and just like what my other friends had said, he commented that he's fine.
fine.
but archie's complete statement was "he's fine. it's just that you're not really focused about having a boyfriend just yet."
whoa! again..
the way he said that, it was as if my thoughts were written on my forehead that he easily read.
the question on the horoscope.
i aked my myself, "why am i doing this?"
answering myself, "it's because that's what some of your friends thought would be good for you..and to keep you away from dwelling into your past relationship to much..they're helping you to move on. you don't want them to worry about you too much."
only, i am now the one worrying about a lot of things.
i'm worried about disappointing my friends. especially those who knew what i've been through. i'm worried about what they'd say, like, "from this to that?" "what happened?" etc. etc.
it's not that i'm depending on my friends, letting them rule out my lovelife. no it's not. it's just that i value my friends too much. i give considerations to their opinions because somehow, they know what makes me happy. sometimes, they have a way of seeing things i can't. impartial judgement, something like that.
archie told me "your friends would understand. we will understand. why before, did you say anything about them having their boyfriends? do you give out unsolicited advices when they were the ones dating? no. but you were supportive. you considered what makes them happy. and now, i think if they're really you're friends, they'll stop and think, 'hey, it's cai's turn, she needs our support.'
yeah, support. no pressures.
the horoscope.
am i doing this just because evreyone else is attached so i also have to be with someone?
i really don't need one right now. i'm fine. really.
if i'm dating someone, i don't think it's an assurance that i'll be having a boyfriend right after.
yeah, i may have those times when i think about the past too much, but i get over it after a day. it comes and goes. no big deal.
the horoscope.
i'm not being true to myself? i go out with him because i just want to know him better and maybe find out something might work out for both of us, who knows? you can't know a person overnight so i guess that's just what i'm doing..if there's nothing, then, we're friends. after all, i didn't assure him anything.
having a boyfriend is really not my top priority right now.
that's for sure.
leaves falling
what are the instances that you'd go back to your ex-flame?
this was the question that bugged me for the whole night last Sunday..my mind seemed to worry about a lot of things lately and it was this issue that stood out amongst those things..
wanting to keep away from a migraine attack, i asked for a little help from my close friends..i sent them an SMS asking them what their answers would be for the question above..
most of them answered "if you still love that person, you'll never hesitate about giving a second chance"..they have a point, yes..but this really isn't that simple..
i remember a friend who once said "why would you ask for a second chance? what for? it didn't work out the first time then why ask for a second one?"..he has a point too..
i told my mountaineering buddy, john, about this (he was the one who willingly continued the discussion with me) and he said that a relationship always deserves a second chance..he reasoned out that the first time may just be an adjustment for both parties and that the break-up is one way of realizing mistakes and differences and the time apart is used to think about possible remedies..once the thought-collection is done, and the feeling remained the same (or in happier stories, 'the flame burning brighter'), then it's time for a second chance because love is still there..
i then asked, "so love is the reason? what's the difference with the first chance? love was there too but the relationship ended..second chances are sometimes not that good..people tend to abuse their partner's patience because they know they'll be given another chance..and don't you think that if a person fooled you once, he/she may be able to do it to you again?"
john knew where i'm getting at..he knew the discussion is about to fall to my ex-boyfriend..
he patiently explained things..
"cai, second chances are not just second chances..of course you need to consider a lot of things..now tell me a situation wherein you're confused about giving a second chance.."
i replied, "the other one told the other one to stay (i was trying not to make it obvious that it was my situation i'm trying to talk about)..then the other worked hard to somehow restore the relationship since she still love the guy..but the guy, he doesn't seem to be that sincere with what he said about wanting the girl to stay..no effort was seen (and felt) from him.."
then the discussion landed into how love is supposed to be a two-way street..give-and-take..john told me that if the feeling is not mutual anymore, then it's time to move on..
here it goes again..
time to move on..
why can't i ever say a new line? a line which i know would be good for me (and for all theose who care about me) to hear..perhaps something like "i've moved on.."?
i went back to the memory of how my dreams were shattered once agaain when he asked for another chance, years ago..
he went back to gensan to see me..during that time, i was already making progress on my "moving on" era after our break up..but he suddenly appeared telling me he wanted me back..i still love the guy then but i remembered the last news i've heard about him - he has a girlfriend..i then asked him about this, hoping he'll tell me that they're over..
he said, "yes, i still have a girlfriend.."
it means there can't be another chance for us..i looked away..
then he went on about his explanation about not being happy with her because it was I whom he still loves..
"why didn't you break up with her before you asked for me again?", i asked..
"i will be when i get back to manila.." he answered..
i knew better..it's obvious he doesn't want to lose..that either way, he'll never be left empty handed..and i'm proud of myself for being able to use my head before my heart that time..
then his girlfriend called me..she then knew that we met..she told me she's willing to let go of him so he can come back to me..but i told her that if ever he'll come back, i want it to be because he wanted to and not because he has to..i'm not willing to take back a man who's not willing to take a risk himself..
until now, i'm still thinking if i made the right decision..
john assured me it was for the best..he then asked me, "is that the kind of man you're going to give another chance? it was obvious from what he did that he's a loser and he's stupid..i know, cai, because i've done that too and it was one of my life's regrets..i lost the most important girl in my life because i've been such a jerk..think it over cai..for sure there are other guys out there worth your while..you have lots of friends praying for you.."
everything he said then made sense..and it's a bit ironic too that i was hearing this advice from him -a known player among our circle of friends..he's always being judged impartially, testifying only about the bad things he's done..but he's kindhearted, honestly..from the way he told me things, it shows he's learned a lot of lessons..the bad boy image will always be associated with his name but he doesn't seem to be bothered by that..
now i'm at the starting point again..and now, i'm finally letting go of that "second chance" i'm willing to give him..
i've become familiar with this feeling now..like a tree with leaves falling, i'm letting go of all hopes i had for me and my ex-boyfriend..but now, i'm looking forward for new leaves, new hopes, that will make my heart whole again..
this was the question that bugged me for the whole night last Sunday..my mind seemed to worry about a lot of things lately and it was this issue that stood out amongst those things..
wanting to keep away from a migraine attack, i asked for a little help from my close friends..i sent them an SMS asking them what their answers would be for the question above..
most of them answered "if you still love that person, you'll never hesitate about giving a second chance"..they have a point, yes..but this really isn't that simple..
i remember a friend who once said "why would you ask for a second chance? what for? it didn't work out the first time then why ask for a second one?"..he has a point too..
i told my mountaineering buddy, john, about this (he was the one who willingly continued the discussion with me) and he said that a relationship always deserves a second chance..he reasoned out that the first time may just be an adjustment for both parties and that the break-up is one way of realizing mistakes and differences and the time apart is used to think about possible remedies..once the thought-collection is done, and the feeling remained the same (or in happier stories, 'the flame burning brighter'), then it's time for a second chance because love is still there..
i then asked, "so love is the reason? what's the difference with the first chance? love was there too but the relationship ended..second chances are sometimes not that good..people tend to abuse their partner's patience because they know they'll be given another chance..and don't you think that if a person fooled you once, he/she may be able to do it to you again?"
john knew where i'm getting at..he knew the discussion is about to fall to my ex-boyfriend..
he patiently explained things..
"cai, second chances are not just second chances..of course you need to consider a lot of things..now tell me a situation wherein you're confused about giving a second chance.."
i replied, "the other one told the other one to stay (i was trying not to make it obvious that it was my situation i'm trying to talk about)..then the other worked hard to somehow restore the relationship since she still love the guy..but the guy, he doesn't seem to be that sincere with what he said about wanting the girl to stay..no effort was seen (and felt) from him.."
then the discussion landed into how love is supposed to be a two-way street..give-and-take..john told me that if the feeling is not mutual anymore, then it's time to move on..
here it goes again..
time to move on..
why can't i ever say a new line? a line which i know would be good for me (and for all theose who care about me) to hear..perhaps something like "i've moved on.."?
i went back to the memory of how my dreams were shattered once agaain when he asked for another chance, years ago..
he went back to gensan to see me..during that time, i was already making progress on my "moving on" era after our break up..but he suddenly appeared telling me he wanted me back..i still love the guy then but i remembered the last news i've heard about him - he has a girlfriend..i then asked him about this, hoping he'll tell me that they're over..
he said, "yes, i still have a girlfriend.."
it means there can't be another chance for us..i looked away..
then he went on about his explanation about not being happy with her because it was I whom he still loves..
"why didn't you break up with her before you asked for me again?", i asked..
"i will be when i get back to manila.." he answered..
i knew better..it's obvious he doesn't want to lose..that either way, he'll never be left empty handed..and i'm proud of myself for being able to use my head before my heart that time..
then his girlfriend called me..she then knew that we met..she told me she's willing to let go of him so he can come back to me..but i told her that if ever he'll come back, i want it to be because he wanted to and not because he has to..i'm not willing to take back a man who's not willing to take a risk himself..
until now, i'm still thinking if i made the right decision..
john assured me it was for the best..he then asked me, "is that the kind of man you're going to give another chance? it was obvious from what he did that he's a loser and he's stupid..i know, cai, because i've done that too and it was one of my life's regrets..i lost the most important girl in my life because i've been such a jerk..think it over cai..for sure there are other guys out there worth your while..you have lots of friends praying for you.."
everything he said then made sense..and it's a bit ironic too that i was hearing this advice from him -a known player among our circle of friends..he's always being judged impartially, testifying only about the bad things he's done..but he's kindhearted, honestly..from the way he told me things, it shows he's learned a lot of lessons..the bad boy image will always be associated with his name but he doesn't seem to be bothered by that..
now i'm at the starting point again..and now, i'm finally letting go of that "second chance" i'm willing to give him..
i've become familiar with this feeling now..like a tree with leaves falling, i'm letting go of all hopes i had for me and my ex-boyfriend..but now, i'm looking forward for new leaves, new hopes, that will make my heart whole again..
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